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Modifying Your Attitude
By Dr. Kim Logan-Nowlin and Arthur Nowlin, MSW, CSW
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| Photo: Alexander Redmon |
What to do when we are not talking!
When communication has broken down in a relationship, it becomes critical to take a new approach to those sensitive issues causing distress. It becomes essential to implement a change in how the communication is processed, and to use cautious judgement when evaluating the content of our dialogue. There is also a need for a risk taking experience towards rebuilding the communications between the two parties. Who will be the one to start the healing journey?
Sometimes, the journey can be difficult with many obstacles. At other times there may only be a few issues to resolve. The significance of timing depends on the elapsed period before the initiation of the resolution. This is critical because it is a high priority that our issues are clear for recall and can be addressed.
Time is critical when unresolved issues exist in relationships. If discussion is not implemented towards reestablishing the communication in an appropriate time frame, frustration continues to manifest itself through anger, resulting in low self-esteem issues, and leading towards misinterpretation of actions. The slightest annoyance can be perceived as a direct attack on the partner’s mind, body, and spirit. The need to correct this behavior will only come about when one partner comes out of his or her comfort zone and addresses the communication breakdown.
Healing steps
How do we begin the healing without a positive communication process? We begin by doing what we need to do: communicate! The initial step towards effective communication is developing the ability to reason out the process within our inner-self, and learning what can be done to improve the exchange process. We have it broken down into four points.
1. Developing effective communication may call for a self-inventory to determine how the communication is delivered-such as body language, voice tone, and self-control. Don’t act on impulse during conflict. If your feelings are negative, take time to regroup.
2. Look at taking a risk and opening the communication with the belief that your efforts will establish change.
3. Don’t be discouraged if the engagement does not go in the direction you expect. What becomes important is the positive actions demonstrated. Continue to focus on resolving the differences. Sometimes change is a slow process.
4. If the process of communication remains stagnated, don’t hesitate to obtain a qualified mediator to assist in eliminating the barrier.
Remember that in the process of relationships, positive communication can enhance the opportunity to enrich the dynamics of continuous and healthy growth.
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