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A Frantic Mom
By Nancy Van Pelt
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| Photo: Morvan Rodrigues |
Dear Nancy: My beautiful, well-developed daughter will soon be sixteen. Boys call her constantly on the telephone, and she seems to be in great demand for dates. I am a single mother and am terribly worried that she will become sexually active before she is married. I know she craves male companionship; her father hardly ever comes to see her. How can I insure that she will remain pure and stay out of trouble until she is married?
Dear Frantic Mom: Face it, you can’t. If she wants to become sexually active, there is little you can do to stop her. Naturally, you’ll want to supervise her activities and monitor her behavior to the best of your ability without overdoing it. But the fact remains that teenagers today have multiple opportunities to engage in sex when and if they want to. No parent, teacher, or pastor can follow a teen around day and night to prevent misconduct.
The ultimate choice about remaining chaste until she marries remains with your daughter and is determined by what she thinks about herself and what she desires for her future. Your job as a parent is to prepare her to make that choice. Before you can prepare her, however, you must be prepared yourself. I highly recommend you read Smart Love—Straight Talk to Young Adults About Dating, Love and Sex.1 I’ve prepared another resource for concerned parents like you titled The Smart Love Sexual Values Discussion Guide.2 This guide will lead you and your teen through six lessons and prepare her to pledge herself to sexual purity until marriage.
During early-teen years, dating standards should be a frequent topic during informal times such as when the two of you are watching TV or when riding in the car, as well as during family worships and family conferences. Your daughter should feel free to make any statement or ask any question, as shocking or adverse as it might be. You should avoid responding with lectures, put-downs, or any form of retribution. Wouldn’t you prefer that your daughter get information from you rather than just from her peers? Remember also that during the teen years your daughter’s opinions and perspectives may differ from yours. Remember also that they will change. She may overstate her views in an effort to meet your objections or break loose from your values. An overreaction from you at this point may well insure that she will some day attempt the very things you more or less forced her into defending.
Does this plan of action come with any guarantees about her purity until marriage? No. But this option is making a powerful impact on teens the world over. It’s your best option and worth a try.
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